How to support someone through a difficult time.
A STEP BY STEP GUIDE:
A STEP BY STEP GUIDE:
When someone goes through something difficult, it can bring up feelings of helplessness and anxiety in us. These feelings make us go into fixer or saver mode because we’re uncomfortable.
Going into fixer or saver mode looks like:
- giving unsolicited advice
- trying to fix the problem
- going into our own stories and experiences
- talking about our own emotions (“this is really upsetting me” or “this is really making me angry!”
- giving unsolicited advice
- trying to fix the problem
- going into our own stories and experiences
- talking about our own emotions (“this is really upsetting me” or “this is really making me angry!”
Many of us aren’t aware of this habit. It leaves people feeling unheard and unsupported, even if we feel like we’re supporting people.
What allows people to feel supported is when we truly listen, when we don’t center our own experiences, and when we don’t try to change an experience of another.
HOW TO SUPPORT SOMEONE DURING A DIFFICULT TIME:
1. Listen: you might have an impulse to say something like “it could be worse” or “at least you didn’t,” but don’t. Giving someone a space to just vent and express is one of the greatest gifts.
1. Listen: you might have an impulse to say something like “it could be worse” or “at least you didn’t,” but don’t. Giving someone a space to just vent and express is one of the greatest gifts.
2. Don’t judge: it never feels good to have someone say “I told you so” or tell you what should have been done differently. Most of us already know this, anyway. We allow people to feel safe when we don’t judge their actions of experiences.
3. Validate: when they share what they feel, validate it instead of trying to change it. This looks like “it’s ok to be sad” or “it’s ok to feel conflicted, it makes sense.” When someone validates our feelings, we feel heard.
4. Let them find their own solutions: instead of fixing, let them talk out their own solutions, or next step. When we try to make decisions for others, it leaves them feeling incompetent or frustrated.
5. Ask “how can I support you?”: while we know what feels supportive for us, other people need support in different ways. They might need some time to get back to you, just be sure to let them know you’re 100% there for them.
Bookmark and watch how differently people respond when you’re truly supportive.
My private healing community @selfhealerscirc is currently open for enrollment. Spaces are limited. Enrollment closing soon. Join here: selfhealerscircle.com
My private healing community @selfhealerscirc is currently open for enrollment. Spaces are limited. Enrollment closing soon. Join here: selfhealerscircle.com
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