Want to have better relationships?
Stop over-explaining.
How to be clear and kind:
Stop over-explaining.
How to be clear and kind:
Over-explaining is a stress response. When we over-explain we’re afraid that someone will get upset with us or misunderstand us.
Over-explaining looks like:
- apologizing and trying to prove you’re a “good” person
- giving a lot of details
- going into justifications (every reason you can think of)
- feeling like you can’t stop talking even if you want to
- apologizing and trying to prove you’re a “good” person
- giving a lot of details
- going into justifications (every reason you can think of)
- feeling like you can’t stop talking even if you want to
Over-explaining is common when you grew up:
- being given the silent treatment
- getting bullied
- ignored, or shamed when you had emotions
- not being believed
- hearing you were too much
ex: “you’re too sensitive” “you’re too dramatic”
- being given the silent treatment
- getting bullied
- ignored, or shamed when you had emotions
- not being believed
- hearing you were too much
ex: “you’re too sensitive” “you’re too dramatic”
While we think over-explaining is helping us, it actually creates more anxiety. Anxiety for us and the person on the receiving end.
People respond best to clear and kind communication. This direct style of communicating helps us and other people feel less anxious. With practice, you’ll see that as an adult, you don’t need to over-explain all of your choices.
You’ll also notice how much more confident you become. And how much better people respond to you.
Instead of: “I have a huge project & I’m swamped at work. My boss is being so demanding right now. You know I really, really wish I could be there but with everything that’s going on I have to skip it.”
Try: “I can’t make it, work is so busy right now.”
Try: “I can’t make it, work is so busy right now.”
Instead of: “Can you please make sure there’s no cheese. I can’t do dairy, I get so sick. I hate to be a pain, but if I have it I’ll be a mess for the rest of the day.”
Try: “I’m allergic to daily, so no cheese please.”
Try: “I’m allergic to daily, so no cheese please.”
Instead of: “Yea, I have heard that’s good for you. I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m not trying to blow off your suggestion, I just have done it all. I’m sorry if I sound rude.”
Try: “Thanks for the suggestion. I‘m good for now.“
Try: “Thanks for the suggestion. I‘m good for now.“
Bookmark to practice and build more confidence.
If you want to learn more ways to communicate more directly my private membership @selfhealerscirc opens Jan 2nd. Spaces are limited. Secure your spot on the waitlist here: selfhealerscircle.com
If you want to learn more ways to communicate more directly my private membership @selfhealerscirc opens Jan 2nd. Spaces are limited. Secure your spot on the waitlist here: selfhealerscircle.com
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