You're getting emotional breadcrumbs if you're with someone who makes very little effort and has no interest in meeting your needs.
Why These Relationships Can Be Addicting:
Why These Relationships Can Be Addicting:
Many people have avoidant or distant patterns in relationships. They act like a lone wolf even when they have a partner. In relationships, they give emotional breadcrumbs or a low amount of emotional energy and focus.
A person giving emotional breadcrumbs will:
- ignore or dismiss their partners needs
- shut down conversations
- be emotionally unavailable and distant
- make effort little to keep the connection
- call partner clingy or needy when they have issues
- ignore or dismiss their partners needs
- shut down conversations
- be emotionally unavailable and distant
- make effort little to keep the connection
- call partner clingy or needy when they have issues
Relationships with emotionally unavailable people can be very addictive. Especially if we experienced the same pattern in childhood where we had to work to be loved. Our body knows the pattern, and they impulse becomes: try harder.
Because our core needs weren't met growing up, we believe that this is our fault. That if we could just be better, finally our partner will show up in the way we need them to. They'll finally "get it" and see what they have.
This is completely false.
How are partners treat us is based on their own childhood conditioning and the relationship they have with themselves. No amount of work or trying can get them to treat us differently.
How are partners treat us is based on their own childhood conditioning and the relationship they have with themselves. No amount of work or trying can get them to treat us differently.
The thrill of the chase can keep us coming back. Of the hope that we can be person to change this person. The small moments of connection and the stress hormones of the rejection and shame keep us coming back, even when we get very little.
There's also a reality that a partner who is fully emotionally available and who deeply wants to see us feels boring. Stability and predictability are less exciting and when we've grown up in chaos we're not drawn to peace.
There's a saying that says we teach people to treat us. In reality, we were taught how to be treated as children. We were shown what to accept in our lives. It makes sense that we accept very little. Until we have the courage to grieve and unlearn.
Have you accepted emotional breadcrumbs in your life?
Learn more about your relationships with my upcoming book: amazon.com
Learn more about your relationships with my upcoming book: amazon.com
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