If you were “mature for their age” you might have been parentified. Parentification is when a child is made to fill an adult role.
This is an “invisible” trauma that has life long impact.
HERE’S WHY: 🧵
This is an “invisible” trauma that has life long impact.
HERE’S WHY: 🧵
Parentification is an extremely common family dynamic where children are expected to: manage their parents emotions or issues (most common is marital problems), take care of the home & siblings on a regular basis, or act as a peer to a parent.
Many parents aren’t aware they’re doing this for several reasons:
1. They were parentified themselves
2. They’re overwhelmed & lack support
3. They don’t know/understand the language & culture so they depend on their children
1. They were parentified themselves
2. They’re overwhelmed & lack support
3. They don’t know/understand the language & culture so they depend on their children
Parentified children are treated as adults. They’re not seen as children who are emotionally developing & need emotional support to find their sense of self.
They’re seen as adult peers who are able to navigate crisis and any family issue.
They’re seen as adult peers who are able to navigate crisis and any family issue.
Children adapt quickly to this role. They learn they must betray their own needs, desires, & emotions to keep the connection to a parent.
Many children feel a fierce sense of loyalty to the parent thats parentifying them.
Many children feel a fierce sense of loyalty to the parent thats parentifying them.
They want to fix, rescue, & protect that parent. It’s a true role reversal.
This can be confusing because while they play a key role in the family: no one checks into see how they feel, or what they think.
Their emotional world is ignored.
This can be confusing because while they play a key role in the family: no one checks into see how they feel, or what they think.
Their emotional world is ignored.
Boundaries don’t exist.
The child learns to manage adult emotions. And doesn’t have the chance to understand their own inner world.
The result: a codependent view of love.
The child learns to manage adult emotions. And doesn’t have the chance to understand their own inner world.
The result: a codependent view of love.
Adults who’ve been parentified have been conditioned (since childhood) to ignore how they feel. And to prioritize the needs of others.
They tend to find adult relationships where they: try to fix, rescue, or enable. Just as they did as children.
They tend to find adult relationships where they: try to fix, rescue, or enable. Just as they did as children.
They struggle to understand what they actually feel, what they actually think, and what they actually need.
Parentified adults also feel a deep feeling of being misunderstood, of not being considered, and deep loneliness.
Parentified adults also feel a deep feeling of being misunderstood, of not being considered, and deep loneliness.
Many fill this void with constant “busyness”— always on call for other people’s crisis or issues. This feels their familiar childhood need to feel wanted.
The most important step in healing is learning to set boundaries.
The most important step in healing is learning to set boundaries.
Of course, this will also be the most difficult because:
1. Boundaries were non existent
2. Self worth comes through other people
3. Enmeshment (lack of boundaries) feels like closeness— though it’s superficial.
1. Boundaries were non existent
2. Self worth comes through other people
3. Enmeshment (lack of boundaries) feels like closeness— though it’s superficial.
Working through the guilt of setting boundaries, meeting their own needs, & clearly speaking their own limits is challenging.
It will also be very healing— it’s self recovery.
It will also be very healing— it’s self recovery.
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