According to neuroscience, difficult emotions should only last 90 seconds.
Then why do we get stuck in emotions for hours, days, and even years?
Here are 2 reasons why (and how to change it):
Then why do we get stuck in emotions for hours, days, and even years?
Here are 2 reasons why (and how to change it):
According to Dr. Jill Taylor, if we're still experiencing an emotion after 90 seconds, it means we're re-stimulating the neural circuitry.
The life cycle of the emotion has passed (or should have passed), but we've re-triggered it, or never allowed it to pass in the first place.
The life cycle of the emotion has passed (or should have passed), but we've re-triggered it, or never allowed it to pass in the first place.
Rumination is the key reason we get stuck in emotional loops.
We continue to think about the event, reigniting a cocktail of emotions, as if the event is happening all over again.
But what's at the root of rumination?
Not begin willing to feel the pain.
We continue to think about the event, reigniting a cocktail of emotions, as if the event is happening all over again.
But what's at the root of rumination?
Not begin willing to feel the pain.
For many of us, thinking about something negative (in our mind) is easier than fully feeling the pain it caused (in our body).
This keeps us psychologically hovering above our emotions, never giving space for the emotion to run its course.
This keeps us psychologically hovering above our emotions, never giving space for the emotion to run its course.
Not feeling your emotions is like trying to poop but holding it all in.
You’re going to cramp, feel anxious, and get more uncomfortable.
And eventually, you'll start ruminating about it:
"What's wrong with me? Why can't I just poop already?!"
Well, you're not letting go.
You’re going to cramp, feel anxious, and get more uncomfortable.
And eventually, you'll start ruminating about it:
"What's wrong with me? Why can't I just poop already?!"
Well, you're not letting go.
The more you ruminate, the less you feel, which leads to more rumination, and even less feeling.
It's a beautiful cycle of emotional constipation.
What's the solution?
Get into your body, and feel your shit.
It's a beautiful cycle of emotional constipation.
What's the solution?
Get into your body, and feel your shit.
Lay down.
Get comfortable.
Connect to a sense of safety.
Place one hand on your belly & one on your heart.
Then say, "I'm here to release what I've been holding in."
Let the waves of anger, sadness, grief, and pain wash through.
Just watch with curiosity & nonjudgment.
Get comfortable.
Connect to a sense of safety.
Place one hand on your belly & one on your heart.
Then say, "I'm here to release what I've been holding in."
Let the waves of anger, sadness, grief, and pain wash through.
Just watch with curiosity & nonjudgment.
Like anything we've avoided doing, feeling your "stuff" will be more uncomfortable than it will be pleasant. But stay with it. The discomfort will pass, and you'll then be able to flow with your life with much more ease.
The journey back to yourself is always a worthwhile one.
The journey back to yourself is always a worthwhile one.
Side Note: If you're navigating trauma, this strategy can still be useful, but you may need extra support. For trauma therapy, I recommend EMDR and Somatic Experiencing.
You don't need to open the floodgates.
Go slow.
Respect your inner boundaries.
And take your time.
You don't need to open the floodgates.
Go slow.
Respect your inner boundaries.
And take your time.
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